I've been falling flat on my face for the last four months and I haven't been one to recognise that I, in fact, haven't been fighting to get to that place, I haven't been myself and most importantly, I haven't been enjoying life the way I did before. My life is a mess, there's no structure, there's no organisation but now I've found motivation and with that discipline is coming along.
My anxiety is over the roof and I don't know what to do about it, I've been late to many meetings and I can't find a schedule that works for me now that I spend more time at home. I feel frustrated within myself for letting all of this come this far before I asked for help, before I realised something was wrong.
It's going to be a tough beginning of the year, there's a lot that needs to be changed and a lot that needs to improve and it's going to take time. I know there are going to be days like today when I don't feel like coming out of my pj's and that's okay. It'll get better as the days pass by, as long as I put some effort into it.
The thing here is that I was so scared to show any emotion because I was so scared to going back to being the little girl that started this blog, I thought that if I were to put a brave face everything would turn out okay but it didn't and it wasn't until I wasn't feeling like myself that I realised that I needed help and luckily for me it wasn't too late.
Yes, I hope that there are some changes, more commitment, more discipline, more self love and self care, less drama, less anger and more of those little thing that make me happy. As I said, I know it's going to take time, I've been through this in the past and I keep a bit of faith that this "funk" I've been in is going to go away because I miss being myself, I miss being happy and cheery and I miss being able to be by myself without feeling lonely.
I can do it and if you are going through something similar, you can do it too. It's not about being strong, it's about knowing and caring about yourself.
Mayte.
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