I don't know what to say, where to go or how to begin, but I feel like starting from the beginning may be the best idea, isn't it?

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”

Henry David Thoreau

Good or bad, our lives are filled with memories, moments we've gone through from bad hair cuts, to afternoons full of laughs, tears and even fear, no matter what it was about, everyone has memories and has lived moments that have helped them become who they are now.
Every second of our life something is happening, it may not be exciting, it may not be something to remember but we are living and that's all that should matter, at least for you.
When we don't do something we get stucked in this though of "What could have happend?"/"What if...?" that haunts us for months at the time, not letting us forget about everything that we could have said, everything that we could have done to change that one little thing that is bothering us.
We've all been there, we hold on to the past and fear the idea of the future and ignore everything that's going on around us until it's too late, until we can't do anything and we've already missed the moment. It's quite easy to get lost.
Everyone tells you to just live the moment, to leave your phone at home, to not worry about anything that's coming next, because you can't do anything to change what you've done and you cannot do anything if you don't fully know what's coming next so, why worry now?
Live in the moment, enjoy what going on around you, cry, laugh, think, rest, whatever you do, enjoy it, it's never coming back and it's true what they say, once you start getting old, everything starts getting harder and goes faster.
Enjoy what you have now instead of regretting what you didn't do before.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.”

George R.R. Martin

Read, there's no secret in me saying that I love reading, I read 70+ books a year, mostly romance and drama, although I also love reading a little bit of suspense and crime. Either a magazine, a book or an ebook, you'll never find me without something I can read.
At first it was something I was able to do to escape the real world, involving myself in imaginary stories, falling in love with the douche that suddenly converts itself to this knight in shiny armour to save the pretty damsel in distress.
Then I realised that there was more to a book than that, there are a million and one thoughts of what's going to happen with each character and if there's going to become a series, the plot, the storyline, everything has to be really thought out.
It became one of my main activities on a day to day basis, there isn't a day in which I don't read something and that has not only helped me improve my vocabulary in english and spanish, but it also helps me relax.
There are many benefits to reading, most of which I've talked a lot of in the past, but instead of reading because it's going to improve your memory or lower your stress levels, do it because you like it, there are millions of books out there for you to chose from.
If you aren't a fellow reader, ask for a recommendation from someone, you'll be surprised by the amazing titles you'll be able to find, or go to a bookstore, see what rings your bell, whatever you do, remember to give it a fair shot, the first 100 pages are crucial in any book.
Reading helps nourish the soul.

"Now that I'm a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot."

Adam Sandler

Youth is something I never wanna take for granted. I just want to smile and live life.

Tyler, The Creator

My dad always tells me to enjoy life stages as you only get to be this young, this stupid once, and for a few years I didn't understand what he meant by that, because if your parents tell you something, you just brush it off most of the times.
During high school I decided I was old enough to make my own decisions, I was a big girl and if I wanted to go out with my friends, get home late and drink my ass off I was going to do it, because I knew what the world was about and there was no way my parents knew more than me, I mean they were older and times change.
The other day I passed through one of the bars I used to go to when I was 17, it had a new concept, it wasn't the same three story building with a pool. It has a much more relaxed feeling now and even when I don't miss that part of my life, I got nostalgic, I had so many memories from that place.
When I talk with my friends I realise I missed so many moments with them out of being rebellious, or not paying attention to what was going on around me and those moments never come back, I could have waited, I could have enjoyed the time I had with my friends instead of going out with people that later turned their back at me.
I can't go back in time, I wish I could, but I cant, what I can do is learn from those mistakes, pay more attention to the moments and enjoy life and it's stages, because as much as you want to go faster and life live like older people, you'll regret what you didn't do at your time.
Enjoy life, live it freely and don't rush, nothing good comes out of it.

“This thing about you that you think is your flaw - it's the reason I'm falling in love with you.”

Colleen Hoover

"If you can love yourself how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" says RuPaul as his show is ending, I've been watching "Drag Race" for over three hours and I can already see why people love it, it's not about wigs or transformation (although that is fun too), it's about people accepting who they are, but also being accepted.
About four years ago I gained a lot of weight, if you are familiar with that you may also know that it takes a turn on your confidence as clothes don't fit you the same way they used to and people start to point it in not the nicest ways, even when they are not meaning to offend you.
About two years ago I started to lose those extra pounds when I started working out and getting a little bit into yoga, I remember how many people told me I looked good and I should keep going, while others asked about my weight gain and what had happened there, at the time I brushed those questions away, I was not interested on what others had to say about me or my body transformation.
Later I realised that I was so on the fence about those comments because near inside I still keep those rude questions back in the day and although I knew I was working out for myself, my health, I didn't want anyone to drift that attention from there.
Throughout that year I learned to love myself, my body and all the flaws it had, like stretchmarks and scars I have, I still feel conscious about it but I'm starting to accept them and even when I wish they weren't there, I know they tell a story of who I was and who I'm becoming, they show growth and many stories I once will tell my grandchildren.
And once I started to love myself I realised that other people started paying attention too, I noticed that a lot more people thought I was pretty or that I looked good, confidence brought that attention and it wasn't until I talked with "Chef" about it that I understood that phrase.
The lesson? Learn to love yourself for who you are, for what you do, not because someone else tells you how pretty you are, do it for yourself and the rest will come.

“... it’s a blessed thing to love and feel loved in return.”

E.A. Bucchianeri

Falling in love is portrayed as this unique experience that you may be able to only live once or twice if you are really lucky, you are supposed to hear wedding bells, see the world in pink and smell the roses from afar, but that almost never happens.
A lot of people fall in love with the idea of love and look out for it, they search like dogs, until they find something similar to it, they settle for a while until they realise that wasn't what they were looking for, others, like me, don't look out for love, as many past experiences have proved us that maybe love isn't about roses and wedding bells.
I like to think I believe in love, I've gotten my heart broken more than once by people I once thought I loved when in reality, all it was that I cared for them and someone snuck the idea of love in my head, making it hard to forget and move on.
As I said before I just recently said goodbye to one of my love interest from high school, it took me a hell of a long time to realise that I cared for him, that I once thought he was my friend and I almost idolised him for so long, that when I started to see his true colours I realised that maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was a friendship that was evolving before everything went to sh*t.
After that I closed myself to men and love in general, I couldn't bare the idea of someone coming close enough to discover who I really was, I was afraid someone would hurt me as bad as others did in the past, I was scared that if I cared enough, they would hurt me.
It took a long while for me to understand that maybe you shouldn't be afraid of such a pure feeling, love hurts and it isn't easy but at the end it's worthy, I can see it every time my mum worries for my father or in the eyes of different couples.
Love is complicated, love is one of those things you've got to feel in order to understand what the fuss is about, you cannot live it through other's experiences, but you can indeed choose whether or not you'll be open to the idea of love.
Don't be afraid of love, open yourself to it, if it's right, even if it hurts, it'll all be worthy at the end.

Work as hard as you can, let your mind be free, all lessons I've learned in the past, but one that popped out quite recently was that no matter how busy you are, how much you nourish your mind, your body also needs to be taken care of.
Our bodies are perfect machines that work all day and night for all of our life, without a break, they recent when you are under a lot of stress, when you don't eat properly and when you don't stop, everything you do affects your body.
I learned this the hard way when I started getting sick every two weeks or so, it didn't matter the sickness, from stomach issues, to the flue, to hard pain, to even menstrual problems my body was trying to tell me something, something I was ignoring until I couldn't.
I don't know if you remember but over this year's summer break I went down with an ugly stomach issue, I couldn't eat, sit down, bend down, stand up or anything that meant putting a bit of extra pressure on my tummy, I woke up crying over the pain and had to rush to see my doctor, because this pain was unlike anything I had felt in my life.
Over the next months I started to take a bit more care of my body, mostly because there were many meals I couldn't eat and if I dared, I would be punished with a nasty pain in my tummy for at least two hours. My tummy was recovering and so did I.
We live under the misconception that taking care of our bodies is expensive or really hard, but is it? I've learned that in fact, it is quite easy if you find a little bit of time to listen to what your body has to say and do something about it.
Eat your greens, work out, relax, sleep 8 hours, drink water and your body is going to thank you.

Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going.

Tennessee Williams

Social interaction is essential for the human being, it lowers stress levels, helps prevent sickness and  it can help you live longer, but more than that, enjoying time with people you love and care about is essential for your mental health.
We live in an era in which being present is not as easy as it used to, having phones connected to internet 24/7 with complete access to social media and online games had indeed made it harder for us to connect with the people we are spending time with at that time.
Try to remember when was the last time you went out and enjoyed the day without looking at your phone? It may take you a while to remember, because going out without your phone or without any form of communication seems like something we would never do out of own choice.
But once you do it for the first time you realise that maybe it isn't as bad as it sounds, because you start to focus on the moment you are living instead of worrying about stats, posting on your social media or taking the perfect picture of your latte.
Everytime you go out with a friend or even with family remember to turn off your phone, let the world keep spinning while you have a good time with whoever you are, listen to what they have to say, enjoy your time out of the office or work space, talk about how you are feeling, look at them in the eye, connect with them again.
Every time you are talking or spending time with someone remember to be present in the conversation or place, make memories you can tell to your grandchildren and most importantly enjoy the moment, you are only going to live it once.

“The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind.”

Kiran Desai

Everyone has a past, some are "cleaner", less rowdy than others, some managed to stump a few times, others went completely outside the road, but lucky for us, our past doesn't define us, we can change who we are based on it, but that doesn't mean we have to live through it.
I went through a little period when I was starting to work on my anxiety in which I lived merely thought my past, there was nothing new in my life, nothing good to talk about, all memories and nothing else, there was nothing new for me in a long while.
In that time I started to idolise all this characters that were part of my life at some point, like ex boyfriends, or friendships that were no longer good for me and even when I knew how much pain it was causing me I was still there thinking what could have happened if I wouldn't have ditched everything when I did.
This ideas followed me around for a really long time, they haunted my thoughts and dreams, and even for a little period of time I tried to reconnect with some of those past friendships, only to realise that none of us were the same people anymore and that my idea about them was seriously messed up.
Little by little I started to let go of that tormentous past, but there was still one person I needed to really disenchant myself from, a lost love, and I did this past September, I realised that no matter how much chemistry I thought I had with him and how amazing his kisses were, he was still that douche that everyone warned me about.
Surprisingly saying goodbye to him didn't hurt, not even a little, and I'm glad that I can finally say goodbye to those ghosts that haunted me for so long. The lesson? Everything happens for a reason, if something or someone forms part of your past, leave it there, if it's not longer in your life a reason has to be. Leave your past as good memories and nothing else.

"The fun stuff comes when someone is not so strict on sticking to the script. You're allowed the spontaneity, and great moments can happen."

Jennifer Aniston

“She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them.”

Beau Taplin

They say that you should never let your sickness define you, they say that it will get better eventually, that at some point you'll realise that everything you've done has been worthy and most importantly that you deserve everything good that happens in your life, but believing all of the things I've said is harder than what they realise.
It took me four years to come to where I am now, a long, long time, and I still can't say that I feel entirely comfortable in my own skin, but at least I can relate to the words they used to say to me when everything seemed so gray and miserable, they were right.
I can't lie, it wasn't an easy process, dealing with anxiety, personal failure, problems inside my household and trying to choose a career were problems that not only affected me on my day to day life, but they also disturb my sleeping and made me a recluse inside my own head.
When I decided that enough was enough and that maybe it was time to start saying yes more, no one told me how hard it was going to be, everyone told me that it was going to get better if I were to work on it and focus on what I who I wanted to become.
Now that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I can tell you that it's true what they say and now I understand why they never gave me any details, if I would have known what I was getting myself into I would have never done it, not even if I knew how much better it was going to be by the end of it.
The lesson here is to know that no matter what you are going through it will get better and that everything will make sense at some point. Remember to smile and keep on dreaming.

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."

Colin Powell

Ever since I was a little girl I've heard that nothing worth having comes easy, that you should always work hard to get what you want and you should never let anyone make less of you work (but that's another lesson), because people will respect people that work hard for what they want.
All of this was reaffirmed last summer when I went to a work interview to my dream job, going back to work on a summer course with little kids, playing around with them and overall having a good time during the summer, but what I didn't anticipated was that not everyone was going to be happy to see me.
I went in with a recommendation, everyone in there knew who I was but the real question was if whether or not I was going to be able to keep up with the workload and pressure that you are put under every day for about a month.
I was scared, there was no way of denying that a part of me didn't feel right, but then there was the other part that wanted to belong, to do amazing, to make my parents and everyone that gave me the recommendations proud, I knew how incredibly lucky I was to be able to work in there and I did not want to let go of an opportunity this big.
During that year I sweated my ass off, worked as hard as I could and did everything that was in my hands to make that summer the best for everyone and it worked, at the end my bosses recognised my work and I made a new friend.
This year I was asked to come back, I worked even harder being on my own and letting others do their thing, I let myself have a bit more fun and enjoy it, but even then I made myself proud and when it was over I was happy to see that other people really recognised the work and effort I put into that month.
Lesson? Work your way, it's more satisfying than relying on others, and you've gotta remember that in order to get to the top, you've got to work hard and help others, it feels better that way.

"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."

Ray Kroc

Do you believe in luck? I used to, or at least I was taught to believe in luck, for many years I was told that if something went right, if something good ever happened to me, it was because I was born with a star, I was a lucky child.
Through the years I would blame everything bad that would happen to me to bad luck or the universe taking a turn on me, because there was no way I was going to accept that if something went wrong was because of me, because it was my fault, because I wasn't paying any attention to anything I was doing, I had to blame someone or something else.
I would go through rough patches, like the time I sat down and someone had left gum in the seat and I had gum all over my favourite jeans, or that time I lost my wallet and phone, or many times in which something would go wrong and I would look up to the sky and say "Why me? What have I done to you to make deserve something like this?"
Turns out the answer was right in front of my eyes, only I didn't want to see it, I was being either lazy or careless, every time something would happen it would be because of my lack of attention towards the world, in my mind everything was supposed to go alright, I was supposed to be the one with the luck.
In the past few months I've been trying to make a real effort and pay attention to all the things going around me, not leaving space for faith or luck, taking care of everything I can, listening to my gut and overall going with the flow, avoiding getting upset if something goes wrong. Remember that you make your own luck.

“I’ve spent awhile trying to figure out where I’m going and the only thing I’ve come to realize is it doesn’t matter where, it’s how I get there.”

Dominic Riccitello

I have a theory, if you are around my age you are either really sure of what you want to do and who you want to become or you are lost, pressured and anxious about the future, guess in which one I am... The second one.
This theory came from me watching my group of friends, some have moved on with their life and have a job or are in a healthy relationship, others are finishing up their major and already know what they want to do after graduating, and then there's me, the one that knows how to do way too many things but doesn't know what to do with them.
And I've found that a lot of people feel this pressure to have it always figured out, because we are told that there's no room for doubt, let alone failure, so we start working and pushing ourselves that person everyone can look up to, the person you get compared to in every family reunion.
The pressure only gets worse as you get older, not only are people asking about your plans, but they are also asking if you want to get married, have kids or be alone, and you'll certainly be judged by everything you say, no matter the answer you give.
A few months back one of my uncles went to visit us, we were talking about my plans, the future, my mum's jobs, everything and nothing when suddenly the subject changed to me being single and how I should really consider getting married in the future, to this I gave the same argument I always use "I'm not against or pro marriage, I want to wait and see what happens".
The lesson? It's okay to not know what you want to do with the rest of your life, actually you are not the only one in this position, it's an important decision and if it takes you a little longer than the rest of the population to make it, let it be, you have one life only, one life ahead of you.

“Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour

True friends are like stars, you don't always see them but they are always there.”

Habeeb Akande

"If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it. "

Alice Walker

Crying is often portrayed as a symbol of weakness, we are told that you should only cry when something really bad happens, unless you want to look really fragile to everyone else, because showing emotions makes seem unstable, like we can't control our life. Coldness on the other side is well accepted by coworkers and sometimes family members.
For a long period of time I was guilty of hiding my emotions, only crying when I was in the safety of my room or with someone I really trusted, that's when the nights turned into my only time to really take all of my emotions out and that way no one would notice how bad I was feeling.
With puffy eyes and a fake smile I would step back into the real world every morning, thinking that maybe that day was going to be better, that maybe I had left all the pain I had inside me in my pillow with my tears, when in reality I was the same broken girl.
This went on for months, only a few people would notice the subtle changes in my personality and even then I would brush those comments on to continue faking my life, because I didn't want to show how vulnerable I was, how much my anxiety was affecting me or how I was ready to run and leave my life behind.
I hid my feelings for so long that I was no longer sure of who I was, and when everything started to fall apart so did myself and it was the worst feeling I've ever had to live, I was overwhelmed by all of this emotions and I didn't know how to handle them.
It took me years to learn that tears, laughter, anger and every emotion you feel is natural, you don't have to be afraid to show them, a lot of people are going through similar things and would understand. Also, remember that there's people that are naturally a bit cold, that doesn't mean they are hiding something, it means they are like that and it's okay for them.
We still have a long way to learn how to respect feelings and emotions, but we can begin by trying not to judge them when we see someone laughing too loud or crying, we are only humans and it's okay to feel something.

While brainstorming this project I went to this new place, a trendy coffee shop, because I was up for a change and I really want to start supporting small, independent business, and I was faced with a new challenge I didn't even know I had.
I'm awkward and I know that if you are a close friend you are shaking your head in utter disbelief, because how am I going to be awkward if I'm the first one to ask the embarrassing questions, talk with strangers and just throw itself to the most random situations, well, as a matter of fact I have a real problem when it comes to talking with strangers and trying to fit in.
As I was walking towards that place I felt like an outsider, I had seen pictures of the place but I had the same questions everyone has when going into a new place, like what to order, but most importantly I was nervous to make mistakes, to be judged or to feel so awkward that I would have to leave.
First I got lost looking at a map, managed to enter right after another girl which ended up ordering the same thing as me and snatched a nice place next to a man with a book and a newspaper where no one was going to be able to disturb me or vice versa.
It was a nice place, the coffee wasn't my favourite (a tiny bit bitter) and I managed to get a lot of ideas, although not much actually done because of three precious dogs that stole my full attention for over an hour, and a pet friendly coffee shop is a winner for me.
Through the three hours I was there I didn't did that much, I wrote, I stared at my computer, planned and enjoyed the cup of (slightly bitter) coffee, but as people started coming in I started feeling really out of place, when in reality no one was paying attention to me, if someone were to worry that would be the owner of the dogs that kept barking.
Needless to say I would be going back to that place, but next time I'll try to embrace that awkwardness and fear of public, which has shown to be a real thing, it's part of who I am and at the end, If I go there it's to try and concentrate, not impress people.
The big lesson here is to embrace who you are and not worry so much about impressions or people judging, most of the time they have way too much in their minds to care about you.

"Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer." 

William S. Burroughs

"Every day, I like to wake up and remind myself to be grateful of the simple things."

Miranda Kerr

Over the past two weeks I learned maybe one of the most valuable lesson in my life, one that I thought I had learned before when I had to make a few changes in my life, but as it turns out, that lesson is quite easy to forget as we like to take things for granted.

If you know one thing about me is that I love October with all my heart, not only because my birthday is towards the middle of the month, but I love fall, the weather, how beautiful the moon looks and from a few years now I've been trying to really let everything sink in and enjoy everything I can do during this month.