This weekend I've been hearing this little voice in my head that says that I'm not really good enough, that by the end of the year I won't be as happy as I wanted to be when I'm started. Everything started due to the fact that even when I take afternoons or even days off, I get no rest, I just focus on other things that I knew I had to do but never really got around to do.
But there's that other part of me that tells me to look to everything I've done in this past month or even this past weekend, I set up most of our Christmas decorations and left everything squeaky clean, yet I feel like it's not enough. I really don't know were this comes from, I've been trying to think, I haven't had problems in my house, neither my relationships, I don't know.
This week is going to go really slow, it's a long week as I still have three exams to pass and I'm missing four parts of my secret project, for the first time in weeks I feel like it's possible and that I can do it and it's going to be amazing.
Another thing that has been on my mind rounding are boys, lately I've been thinking of my last relationships and how they ended, I do know where this comes from, I fancy a boy which I guess it's normal but as I have been by myself since the beginning of the year, I don't know what to do and I get a little bit nervous around him, but another part of me doesn't wants to get involved with him because I know he is a player and a good one, he's a little bit like me, the only big difference are the eyes (Which are beautiful) and the fact that he is a male.
Also this season calls for the beginning of Christmas shopping that I hate and I always passed to my mum, but this year I have no help, just the hope of it being really easy.
If I had to guess what's causing me all of this anxiety, I'll say that it's what December means to me. December means that I need to get all of my paper work done before they go on holiday and doesn't only means my paper work, school stuff and medical papers too, it means that I have to do all of my paper work, I have to help my family with some of theirs too and work related to. It doesn't ends in there, I also have to give my best at school because the semester is ending and I also have a list of things I want to change taking advantage of the new year and finally I want that December has some amazing posts.
The best answer for me right now is sleep, tomorrow it's going to be a new day and hopefully a better and brighter one. Sleep tight.
P.S. Sorry if this is all over the place, I just needed to get this thoughts out there, as I haven't been writing my own words for a log time I think I've been keeping a lot of things to myself and that's bad.