You were my teacher, my boss and a part of my family, I can't tell how much I learned from you, a month ago you went away, today you were going to turn 59, I have a lot of fun memories of you, I remember the way you used to scared everybody or your passion for new machines and churros, I remember your jokes, you had the same humour as me, you went to fast, but you left a legacy, I know that a lot of people are remembering you for the wrong reasons, or even worst they are lying to themselves y telling how much they liked you, bullshit.
Teacher, will meet up sometime, I don't know how much time that might take, but don't worry we got you covered here.
Thanks for teaching me more, and giving me amazing opportunities. 

The weather got really warm here and that's making my body feel really tired, I even think that the I got a little bit dehydrated the other day, I really don't like this weather, but other than that this week has been about brainstorming for this space and really doing something for myself and my life, as I've been putting off I cleaned and organized my life and it was harder than I ever tough, turns out that everything was either dusty or really messed up. The one thing that's still a mess is my desk but I figured nothing can be perfect isn't it, I'm still going to try.
I needed to really get a good night of sleep and motivation to get my life together and although I feel extremely tired I feel happy with the way everything is turning out, in order to accomplish what I want, I need to fight for them.

Making decisions is important, as I said you have all the right to make your choices based on your dreams, you can be whatever you want, people have no right to talk if you don't want the too, but all of this come with responsibilities.

Am I so unlike you? Do I look different? I don't think so, lately I've been seeing everything differently.

Last week I was talking with a friend about our experience so far in college, he told me he was thinking about changing career because all of his high school friends were in a another school and they pressured him at some level to be with them, he went for a different career, that happened to me too, when I was choosing my career everyone wanted to have a vote, I went with my heart, that got me thinking...
How many times have we changed our choices for other people? We tend to listen what other people say instead of what our heart is telling us, isn't sad? That's why when we are little we have the wildest dreams about everything, because we don't give a crap about opinions. We judge based on what we see, we probably get to know 50% of this person, yet we still talk about every decision that they make.
There's more inside of what we see, maybe that's something we need to work in, accepting somebody else choice but also sticking to our choices, I know that sometimes is like going against everybody else wishes for you, sometimes you just have to say "Trust me on this one", it's an important part of being independent.
Trust your instincts.

This week I have to really stay focused and do everything I have to, I have deadlines, I have a list of things that need to get done, I left everything for the last minute and I regret it a lot, but I'm taking full responsibility of that mistake. That was my inspiration to write this week, I think that a lot f us tend to avoid them 'till we have to do them and that makes the hole process harder and worst in general. I hope you have an amazing start of the week, don't forget to e awesome and never stop dreaming.

Another week, another list of things that I didn't get done, this week was a looking back week for me, I had the chance to really think everything through and make decisions, make a schedule and as they say "Put the boots because we are ready to work"

Since I have memory I've always been a really anxious and impatient person, I like when things get done the right way, that's the main reason why I do almost everything myself instead of asking for help, the past few years has become a huge problem. When something goes wrong I feel frustrated and I can't function right so everything that I do turns out bad or I simply can't concentrate, the past months I've been trying simple things that may help me relax.
I like taking three steps depending on how bad I am, the first one and my favourite is taking deep breaths, I like to close my eyes on focus on my breathing, it's a great way of dissapearing from the world for just a moment.
The second one is music, I like listening to my favourite songs on repeat, but you can also found classical music, mostly depends on your personal preferences.
Finally if nothing has worked, I like to go out for a walk, leave the place where I'm feeling frustrated and go outside, to watch how everything is right, it's also a great exercise. A little bit of sun and outside world never hurt anybody.
But I think my biggest advice is to just don't let little things get to you, don't let people know what is bothering you and if something is really getting to you try to relax and let go before someone notice it, some people just want to hurt you by doing that...

Do you remember how we met? I bet the first impression you got from me wasn't the best, I was crying outside your classroom waiting for a friend, you picked me up and hugged me, everything was going terribly wrong that day but you made me feel comfortable and good about myself. It was such a weird beginning. The beginning of something without name…
We were good friends, everybody was talking about our friendship, you were a well-known casanova and I was "the cute girl", everyone though that you had a thing for me, I felt weird about that, you were the first man in my life after almost 6 months, you were different to everything I have ever experienced, I loved that.
It was a matter of time before people started talking about the bad things, rumours started to circulate and you went away, we stopped talking, my pride was bigger than me, we stopped being us.
I remember the huge letter you wrote me on a Sunday morning, I remember thinking about it all day, "I forgive you" I said, I remember how we were on line about to take an exam, I remember how I felt when you looked me, you have beautiful brown eyes, we talked… it wasn't meant to last for long.
Rumours again, why are they doing that? I was the bitch of the story this time, it hurt but I forgot about my pride and went out to talk, we were shattered, there was no coming back, they got what they wanted, we stopped being us and we started being strangers that used to smile to each other every time they were close.
To this day I still miss those long nights of messages, I miss my friend, I miss that cool guy that used to smile at me when he was playing football, I miss those brown eyes, I miss the way you made everything turn out okay, I miss you..
Everything about us is shattered and we can't fix it, I should stop and not try to fix things but how do I convince myself of that when I know I still miss you?

I guess I just need to wait…

The past few weeks I've been struggling to really have a good night sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel tired and with a strange mood. I think my problem started when the clocks went forward, I started reading and researching and I found some amazing tips that have been helping me, so I though I would share them with you:

Another morning, another cup of tea... I've been into tea a lot this month, I think it's quite relaxing, something I've been finding really hard to do lately, that's why I've been doing some research and I found some things that can be quite interesting and not just for me, so I though about sharing it and it's also a good way to remind myself to do it, I find hard to follow my own advice, even if it's for own good, something I need to work on, I think.
Hope you have an amazing week.

Everything this week was about doing the things I had to get done, I was lazy the past weeks and know I regret it, I have work, homework and a to-do list longer than me, I hate feeling pressured, I had a hard time this week but I'm glad it's over, I think I'm going to have a relaxing time this weekend with family reunions and new books. I thinks is the last time I leave something for the last minute...

Easter weekend was kind of long for me, after fixing my house, we decided to have a little bit of family time, we went out for food and to a beautiful forest just about an hour away from us, even my cousin decided to go with us an it was a pleasant surprise I have to say, we walked a lot and took a tour around the monastery, fun fact: my grandpa worked in those gardens, after that we just went to a book fair, the rest of my weekend consisted in sleeping and eating. It was a long but lovely weekend.

The other day I went with my cousin to see some paperwork, the last time I saw her I was 13 years old, she grew a lot, she changed in a weird way but the thing that surprised me the most about her was the question she asked me: "How do you live like this" (She was referring to my colour coordinated life) before that my answer was "It's easy" but my answer that day was "I can't live without it and I kind of like it" and I was completely honest with her. I like my colour coordinated life and I'm so used to it that I feel weird when something changes, she made the right question.
I think that after 6 years, she saw a completely different person in front of her, one with two agendas, a passion for books and someone older, maybe she expected a grumpy teenager with a passion for pink things and a social life...

When we moved everything around to leave space for the workers to have more space, I found white walls, plain white boring walls, I always though that I was that kind of boring person but I started thinking of the possibilities.
There is a lot of things you can do when you have a white space, you can let your creativity flow and do whatever you want, that's something I don't find myself doing very often, letting your creativity flow is fun and can be quite beneficial. Your creativity just grows, maybe we all need plain white walls...

It's over, finally! Over this week I had people coming in and out of my house fixing everything and making changing the way my house looked, I have to say I'm pretty happy with the result but the day of putting my stuff back I was in such a bad mood, but now I'm better and I found a new spot to write, I have a lovely view and the biggest couch. 

Last week my parents made the decision of doing some renovations in my house, we had to move a lot of things around, we didn't had enough space or time to find a place and because it was only for  couple of days, it didn't made sense, or so we though. Being the organised person in the family, I found this extremely stressful and as everything started to take longer, the stress started to grew.
I found myself loosing things, feeling lost in general, starring at a wall didn't helped to relax me. So I found the perfect solution, the way to survive in a mess, I spent time doing what I love, dreaming, it's not like taking a nap, is thinking what you can do with a with wall and lots of imagination, is letting your creativity flow and grow, is letting your ideas out, forgetting about the world and their opinions.
At least it helped me to forget about the mess...

Dear Mayte:
You are about to turn 20 years old, how does it feel? are you feeling older? wiser? more tired? This is a big deal for you, remember? 20 was your year, you've planned a lot for this, this is your time. You still have a lot to figure out, but I can tell you some things that you forget just to make it easier for you.
Thing will get easier and better, you have been though really bad things but you've managed to get out learning from them, so hold on in there a little bit longer, don't let anything get to you. Remember you are stronger than you think.
You are amazing, remember when how it felt when someone said that? you believed it and you started making awesome things, you don't need anybody telling you that, you need to remember who you are and what you are capable, you are more than you think.
Be patient, this is your weakness, you tend to be annoying when something doesn't go your way, breathe, calm down and let the world spin, do what you have to do and use the free time to relax more. Remember that not everybody goes to the same speed, so chill out.
Finally, follow your dreams, I know that you are scared of being criticised or rejected, as I said not everyone will go the way you want, at the end of the day, it's your life and your decisions only affect yourself. Remember to stop listening to everybody else and start listening to your heart and mind.
Don't forget to be awesome and stay strong.