Life has many contrasts, you never understand what everyone is talking about until it happens to you. It's been a long ride over the past two years, I've lost some of the most important people in my life, but I've also lived some of the most amazing experiences and gained so much knowledge that I can't help but to feel a little ping of guilt over the happiness. 

My father was an amazing man, full of dreams and knowledge, everyone around him couldn't help but to feel attracted to everything he did. He would give each person advice, he would teach us what he knew and wouldn't be scared of doing the dirty job just to get the work done. He's the kind of men writers dream about.

He lived before his time, he taught me that women have to work harder to get recognition, but that we can do whatever we want and that if someone is scared of my success just because I've got boobs, they shouldn't be near me. He helped my mum get a degree, a better job, a better life and wasn't scared of her having the highest income. 

By the time he got sick, I've met someone, and he got to know him. They liked each other enough for me to feel like I was finally reaching that balance I always craved in life. They didn't get to share much time together but one thing I'm sure about, he knew this wasn't a fling.

I lost a man to gain one. I'm lucky to have met someone thats willing to learn and move with me every step of the way, that isn't scared of me knowing more than him. He was there through the hardest parts of my father's passing, hugging me and letting me cry, he held me and kept me from falling over when the time. All I could think is that I finally met a man I can actually trust and love. 

It's been a wild two years, I've cried, I've let myself feel the pain and I've also grown stronger. There's no doubt in my mind that whatever happens next I'll be able to take it or at least learn from it. To many more years of learning and falling in love. 

Mayte.

The world has changed so much in the past year that we have no option left but to change with it as it comes. For me, life has changed so much in that same year that I couldn't help but to feel taken aback by the "new" normality that had come to my life. There was no going back to old ways, the only option was to move up and forward. 

The day I lost my father, my world changed completely, there was no time to mourn, no time to sit down and try to figure the next step out. I was lost but the people around me knew, everyone had a plan and a way to fit me into it. I remember sitting in the living room, staring at the wall and not being able to focus on anything farther than a couple of centimeters away from me.

It was by day three that life started to roll around to me, I got a call, a job, some money and a plan to move around as fast as we could. By that day I still couldn't cry, I couldn't fandom anything, but I still had to figure out what to do next, and it had to be quick because there weren't going to be second chances, not this time at least. 

They wanted me to be in charge of IT in this company, we all know this kind of opportunity reaches you once. So, even when I knew I wasn't ready for such a task, I took it and I got the work position I always dreamed of in one of the saddest, worst parts of my life. There was no place for me to be the immature girl, the work of multiple people relied on me. 

Now, a month and a half in, I want to think I'm starting to settle once again and everything is starting to make a lot more sense. It's impressive how much a person can change in the span of a couple of years. If you would've told 3 years ago that I would be standing here, in my office, as an executive, in a rather stable relationship, I would've laughed a lot.

So, here's to more trying, to more writing and to more growing, to 25 and more to come. 

Mayte.

 You see, when life throws lemons at you, you learn to make lemonade, or so they say. In my particular case, life threw watermelons at me and the only thing I could do was try to catch them and maybe do something with them. 

It all started a year and a half ago when my grandma passed away. Looking back, I can see how bad I handled those days after her passing. All the free time I had was used in nothing. Before I would complain about the lack of time I had to do basic tasks and once I had it, I didn't want to do them anymore more. I became lazy and I trapped myself in that thought for 7 months. 

Then my dad got diagnosed, he needed to go into treatment and seeing the desperation in his eyes made me step in. I took over his job and for the first few months I did nothing with it, there was no point, he was going to come back, or so I thought. Time passed and 6 months turned into a year. 

The day I knew he was going to pass away, months before we got a proper diagnosis, I threw a tantrum, a full on baby tantrum. I didn't want to deal with the responsibilities, or at least not yet. It was the biggest anxiety attack I've had in 4 years or so. I couldn't contain myself and all I could think of was leaving everything behind.

Of course I couldn't, but it was at that time when it clicked. There was no more running away, I had to embrace the responsibilities and hope for the best, my work would speak for itself when time came and I started a new life path, just like that. I had to change in order to adapt to everything that was coming up for me. 

After my father's dead I had three days to pull myself together and see what was up next. I never wanted to run away more, but I promised him I wouldn't and the only thing I could do to honor him was to keep those promises and do what he wanted me to do in this company. 

I signed the contract, got the papers and now all I have to see is if I'm really capable or how I can make it work in my advantage. Because changing is good, right?

Mayte.

Growing up everything scared me, from having to ask someone for something to having to do stuff on my own. The idea of having to be on my own was terrifying and the more I grew, the more my parents wanted me to become independent, so I held on to all those precious years I had around them to help me. 

I was lucky, it wasn't until 23 that I saw the need to branch out and do something else, something bigger, that's when I applied for my masters and it was the best decision for me at the time. Not everyone can say that they had their parents support that long or even get the chance to get a higher degree. I saw the opportunity and took it. 

They say that when you are meant for something else, the universe will do anything to make you notice it, and in my case that something else meant leaving my comfort zone completely. I got a job, I got into a relationship and lost two of the pillars of my life all in the span of three years, everything I knew banished. 

There was no going back, not even to look at the good memories, the more I held on to those precious years, the more defensive, anxious and mad I got. For some reason I couldn't understand that the girl that I once was, was no longer in there. It was time for me to take on the challenges and do what I was always meant to do. 

My introduction to this new life and this new set of responsibilities is certainly out of the ordinary, not everyone falls into a job like this with so many responsibilities, and the more I asked myself why should I keep it, the more I got pulled in. 

I'm still learning and I'm still scared of every aspect of my life that is changing but there's no stopping, at least not for a little bit. I'm hopeful on the thought of actually being able to pull it through and make it happen but once again, one can only work and hope for the best. We gotta remember to keep on dreaming. 

Mayte.

It's been a week since my father passed away, he fought cancer until there was nothing left for us to do. He was in hospital for three days, at home for one. We watched him fade away rapidly, losing his sense of the real world, little by little until his mind wasn't there. He fell asleep for one last time.

I thought about giving up completely on this October project but then I stopped to think that the last thing he would've wanted would be for me to give up, even if the thought of him not being here could destroy me. Somehow, somewhere I needed to have that strength to keep fighting and keep making him proud during the next few years. 

Growing up he raised me to be a strong independent woman, maybe he knew, maybe he just saw the world change for the worse, I'll never know. He pushed me to be an engineer, to study my masters, to learn how to handle myself in front of people. Everything I know about tools, electricity and computers I learned from him.

He was such an amazing man, no one could say anything bad about him. He was a breeze of fresh air to everyone that got to meet him. Everywhere he went he was recognised and loved. There was something so special about him that people couldn't help but to feel safe and understood around him. He was the best husband, father and friend anyone could've asked for.

There was this really selfish part of me that wanted to keep him around forever. I imagined myself getting home from work and seeing him, talking with him like we did before, asking for advice or even just watching tv. But soon I learned that there was nothing else for me to do, keeping him around was cruel for him. It would've come to a point where all he could feel was pain. 

This will be the biggest adjustment in my life to date. Now with my father gone, my mum and I are left alone in the apartment, and we'll have to learn how to work well together and not fight as much so we can keep the last promise we made to him. His two tornados will learn and be better for each other. 

Thanks for 25 years dad, no one will ever forget you, ever. I love you. 

Mayte.