It didn't work, and I still held on to that idea. For two years I let my fear control my life and the way I was going through with it. Somehow the idea of changing everything that worked back then seemed even more scary than changing and trying the new things everyone was talking about.
My anxiety skyrocketed, my life became a mess, my mood changed every second and I didn't feel comfortable with what I was doing. Then someone appeared in my life, and I'd like to clarify, I'm not making the changes because of him, but he's been really good at reminding me why this is so important for me.
My passions, my goals, everything disappeared the moment I stopped trying to fight for them. Suddenly I had no purpose. The world was spinning but I was standing still, holding on to those last memories of everyone that left, thinking that if I were to held strong enough to those last bits of sanity, I'll be fine.
I thought I had to start from square one in order to be the woman again, but little by little I've realized that I don't have to. I've learned more than enough in past years to move on from there, see what works and don't freak out when times get tough. I know in the long run everything will be worthy once again.
So, I'm calling myself out. It's time to stop with the excuses, with the laziness and work on what makes me happy, what fulfills me. It's finally time to start doing it for myself and stop caring about what others may think or say. I finally remembered I'm not doing this for anyone else but myself, the most important person I know.
The road will be rocky, there will be fall backs, but I'm sure at some point, we will come through and laugh about all of this. For now? Remember to keep on dreaming.
Mayte.
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