Looking at myself in the mirror I could see how rosy my cheeks were, there was no way of hiding my nervousness. This was going to be my first party in years, maybe even my first party since becoming legal. Maybe I wasn't as ready as I first thought, but there was no way I could back down from the invitation.
I didn't have a plan, I just knew that for the first time in years I was happy to go out at night or so I thought. "Why did I even accept?" I was questioning myself, my ability to make smart decisions once again.
If my teenage self saw me like this, she would be laughing. No one would've believed how hard this was for me a few years back. Being the life of the party was part of a past I kept from everyone new that entered my life. It wasn't worth sharing that, it wasn't worth changing everyone else's opinion of me.
Maybe a nap would've helped, more sleep is good for the soul. Maybe going out the night before wasn't my best idea, but something about this party seemed right. Something was telling me that no matter what happened tonight, I wasn't going to regret going out or even staying the night out.
"One last call" was my thought, "One last call to the one person that's going to help me come through."
"Lou?" I could hear voices on the other side "Busy? Should I call later?"
"No, just wait" I was starting to walk in circles. I could hear him shushing everyone around him. "Are you okay? You sound... flustered"
"Remember how I told you I was going up to this party with people I don't really know and how I was going to be entering the lions cave?"
"You are nervous right? You are doing that thing were you get all flustered, throw a tantrum but end up doing what you first were going to do"
"No!" Without looking I knew the look he had on his face "Okay, maybe..."
"You can't do that all your life." The voices in the background interrupted him "Wait a second"
The laughs and yelling stopped for a second before I heard him again "Can you hear me?"
"So I'm pulling you from your friends?" There was a tone of mockery in my voice.
"No, you never do that. Anyway, you have to man up or woman up and go in there. Stop throwing this tantrum and enjoy the party, you know you can do it, you did it yesterday."
"I'll buy tequila, I'll get drunk and I'll see you later tonight" Now I was smiling, making him angry was my favourite sport.
Before he could talk there was a shout, maybe a girl, perhaps he was on a date. I had to start making mental notes on asking him whether or not he was dating someone.
"Don't, tequila does nothing for you or me for that matter"
"Are you sure you are not busy? And I'll buy some, it'll be my birthday gift to the party boy and i'll make me man up or woman up"
"Don't go in with the idea of getting drunk, have a good time, enjoy the party and if you have time or trouble, call me"
Now I knew he was serious, he wasn't one to joke around safety or not at least mine.
"I promise I'll be safe but send me your location, I might need a backup"
"You'll be fine, I promise. Now, have fun."
There are very few people that can help me calm down, Lou was one of them and even when I hated admitting how important he was for me and how he was always right, he was and he was important. Now that my mind was clearer I had a party to attend, the first one in years. What could possibly go wrong?