Accepting the problem is the first step towards reaching a healing, isn't it? At least that's what everyone says. I'm here to admit that I have a problem, not that big, not that serious, but one that has been compromising various aspects of my life lately. Fortunately it has a cure, I just have to find a way to heal.
During June, before the craziness starts, I want to heal and feel better in my skin. I've come to a point in which I know I don't feel as comfortable as before and you can tell. I want to show myself how strong I am and how strong I can become.
This month I want to focus on 12 habits that can help me reach a place or calm, mindfulness and happiness. It about reaching a place of ease inside all of this craziness. It's going to be hard but it will also be a nice project to work on and keep my mind off of things that are hurtful.
In June I'll be working on 12 days to reach ease. It won't be extreme, it'll be more about forming daily habits that can help me and you reach a sense of peace with ourselves and the world. It will include a lot of mindfulness and organisation in tasks that are easy to accomplish and that can set the record for more things to come.
All of this will be going up from the 1st of June until the 27. I'll be posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday, leaving Saturday for the books I've planned (which are some of my favourites) and Sundays for a Week Review to catch up on what's going on as I finish my preparatory course and start Summer course preps.
It's going to be interesting and maybe fun one? I'll know once I have a chance to catch up at the end of it.
I always get a little bit scared when I start this kind of projects, but right now all I can think about is getting better and making me proud. Always do it for yourself and remember to keep on dreaming.

May came and went without me even noticing. Everything around me felt so dull, there was nothing I was able to truly enjoy and life mushed together. I went from thinking the month had just started to me realising that I'd wasted a whole month doing nothing.
There has been a lot of pain present in my life lately and I haven't been able to express it or even feel it properly. A part of me thinks that's because I know I'm not the only one going through this, because I know that out of all of us, there's people who are suffering it more, who are reminded day by day.
Maybe that's why I haven't come to terms with everything that has happened, maybe I'm lying to myself by keeping it all inside. I just don't know how to do it, how are you supposed to go from there?
I've been lucky enough to have friends and family giving me support through all of this, I know that they can see that sometimes I can't be pushed past certain limit. I've indeed been quieter and even when they've made comments about it, I know they understand that even when it's been a whole month, I haven't heal and I'm not close to it yet.
They have helped me without them noticing. I can tell that going out doesn't feel as bad as it did before, I can also tell how engaging in a conversation isn't as hard. Those little steps, those tiny things have helped me to realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
My anxiety skyrocketed again, it was a setback from what I've working on since March but this time I know it is a part of the healing process and although sometimes it has been a definitive factor to whether or not I can do certain things on my day to day life, I'm trying to learn from this and how it's reacting.
My health has been acting up a little bit in the sense that since I haven't had energy mentally, I haven't had physical energy and there have been days in which I didn't have the energy to even get up.
Good comes with bad or in this case, all of this brought good, I got into the preparatory course for my masters and even when the first week was tough on me, I feel like that's my place, I want to work to get there and feel happy that I tried to accomplish something because I loved it, not because someone told me it was right for me.
As you can read, this month was more than just tears, even when they played a big part of it. I don't know what I would have done without "Chef" and a new friend that we are going to call "Bass". On it's own talking with "Chef" was therapeutic and with "Bass" it was more about realising that pain doesn't just go away.
I'm coming through, I know I'll get there sometime, but for now, I'll just keep working on and remembering that there's so much more to life and with the weather being so amazing, I have to take a chance a enjoy what I have now, because at some point is going to fade away. Most importantly I've gotta remember to keep on dreaming, right?

I don't even know how to start with this or how to explain what's going on inside my head. It's like everything is mumbled up and even when I would want to bury all of this and move on, I know I can't, that's not how life works. I'm supposed to learn from this.

Every spring the city turns purple as jacaranda trees bloom and fill the streets with its flowers. It may be one of my favourite events in this city, it's something that completely changes the vibe of the city, it goes from the dead colours from the cold days to this beautiful purple pops of colour everywhere you go.











This event marks the beginning of spring and being able to enjoy it in different parts of the city is amazing, something you have to enjoy at least once. If I were to complain about thing it would be about how hard it is to capture the purple against the green, it was a pain in the ass and I screwed more than one picture, but seeing the result made me think that it was truly worthy. Until next year...

Working out is a new passion of mine, not only has it helped with my anxiety but being more active makes me happy and whenever I take breaks I can feel how they affect me. If I ever go without doing something for longer than a week I can feel it in my body, I ache and feel uncomfortable.
But this doesn't mean I always want to go all out, do a two hour routine that's going to leave me aching the next two days. They are amazing when you are in the right mood, when you are not, then it becomes a burden and your mind is going to complain.
Lately, with everything that has been going on, I haven't been on the best mindset to workout. It seems like too much for me, like I'm not strong enough to take it. The thing here is that I don't do something a day, I feel bad and my body is not comfortable enough or I can't sleep properly.
So, as for now, I'm taking a different approach. I started doing yoga two years ago when I was so tense I couldn't lift my arms over my shoulders because it hurt that bad. I did some mild stretching and in two days I was good to go.
This lead to many classes to work on my posture and strengthen my back that was in a bad state, I couldn't sit for longer than a few minutes without feeling an awful pain in the middle of my upper back. Within the next year I gained an incredible amount of back and upper body strength.
I trained hard that year, I was in the best shape of my life by the end of 2016 and with the new year everything went to waste, when the year started I was in such a slump that I let my progress go to pure waste, that year I trained on and off without commiting to a routine, I felt it and it showed.
This year rolled around and I knew I needed a change, so by February I was committed to a change and I did, I worked harder than before, I was recovering my strength and I was happy. However if you have ever gotten wisdom teeth out, you'll know that rest is mandatory. It snowballed and suddenly I wasn't in the mood to do it again.
Now with everything that has happened I haven't been in the best mindset to work, yet my body was screaming for me to do something so I looked to the one thing that brought that love to me to begin with. I started doing merely yoga again.
It's been refreshing, exhausting and so calming. I'm remembering why I loved doing it and why it did me so good. I'll add some cardio and body weight as weeks pass by, I won't settle but for now this is good enough for me and my body.
Listen to your mind and your body. Do what feels best for you and remember to not force yourself into anything, it isn't going to end well. When something doesn't feel right, just change the approach and you'll feel better.

Fear is your biggest enemy, we all know about it, but it's also one of the hardest things to overcome. Learning from a loss is something that doesn't come organically, it takes time and effort, and then there's failing may be the one that brings you the biggest lessons the quickest.
One thing that all three have in common is that they all are tests, challenges you are faced with almost on a daily basis, some you have to fight through, some you can deal with later. All of them are there to see how far you can go, how strong you can become.
You have various options, you can even try and escape them but you'll be avoiding the whole point of them, you wouldn't be growing in yourself, you wouldn't be the best version you can be.
It takes time to fully understand the lesson, it isn't something that happens instantly, even when we wish it could be that way. You may even fall for the same cause once again, you may lose energy and shed many tears in the process. Your patience is also going to be tested, how much time you can wait, how longer you can fight for to get to that "better" place.
At some point you'll reach it, one day you are going to wake up and you'll be able to breathe freely, you'll feel lighter, life will seem better and that's when you finally figure out what the lesson was, when you finally learn how it's supposed to be and how strong you've become.
The options are there, the pain will haunt you down, tears will come down your face and you'll fall maybe harder than you have before, but remember to let your pain remind you how strong you can be, how much you can keep going.
Some days will be harder than others, some days you'll feel like everything is falling down on you and it will feel like nothing will ever get better, those are the days in which you have to remember that you are allowed to wallow and do your thing, whatever can make you feel better.
I don't have a formula to cure all bad in the world, but being someone that has gone through this recently, let me tell you, it gets better, not instantly, some days even talking becomes hard, don't force yourself into anything and let your mind wonder, learn that pain shouldn't be repressed, it should be felt and you should always reach for better. Remember to always keep on dreaming, no matter how bad time seem.

The thing with dealing with a loss is that is takes a lot of time to recover, you go through the good and the bad for so many days in a row that at some point it starts to feel normal.
I've been going through a lot, I've been thinking a lot too, but mostly I've immersed myself in work and projects I want to start, plans I want to achieve and places I really want to visit. There hasn't been enough time in the day for me to focus on the pain and everything that I've been feeling in the back of my head.
It's wrong, I know that much but for now it's what has been working for me and I'm scared to let it slip, to come out of this really planned routine because I'm sure that's when the pain is going to come back and reality hits are painful and hard to deal with.
This week I've been working and working and focusing on what's next, what will happen if I get into the masters, what is the next step in my life and where my heart really is. There's nothing figured out yet but there are certainly some different possibilities I would like to explore.
There have been days in which my head is spinning by the end of it, because I spent so much time in front of a screen that my eyes, brain and even soul and dry, there's nothing else in there.
But there are other days like Mondays in which I have a burst of energy and I'm able not only to get into my gym wear but actually workout and do a full routine without feeling exhausted or unmotivated. Highs and lows, I guess.
My family has been going through a lot and I've come to the realisation that there are days in which I don't have energy to deal with any of that. I need a break from all of this, from the pain, from the worry, but it isn't as easy.
Everyone says "You've got to get stronger, go pass this", well, if you are going through something similar, know that you are allowed to cry, scream and take time off, there's as much as you can take, you don't have to be everyone's superheroe.
With that said, and as always, remember to keep on dreaming.

I've thought long about which books would be the ones for this month. This year I've compromised a lot more with reading and I've found amazing series but a lot of them can't be fitted in just one month so I've had to tweak things a little bit. Fortunately for me I found a series with three books from Penny Reid. Truth be told I've been reading a lot of her and this and next month are going to be dedicated to her.

Remember those goals I always write about sharing more of what I love and not being afraid of sharing the pictures I take? This is what I was talking about. "Chef" and I went to see the light expositions that happen in the city every year, I took pictures I didn't touch because I was afraid they were bad. About a week ago I finally came around and I have to say, I don't know what I didn't do it sooner.











They are beautiful and I wish I would've done this sooner. It was an awesome night, I'm already waiting for the next. With that said, I've learned my lesson, hope you enjoy them and remember to keep on dreaming.

Summer is approaching us quite quickly, before we know it the rain is going to come and the weather is going to change once again. It's time to get ready for hotter and busier days.