They made me take a break...
This week I had to take a break for medical issues, I been feeling exhausted this past few days and we are adding exams to the equation everything ended up being pretty bad for my body and I had to stay in bed for a whole day, which of course was really weird but resting helped me feel less anxious and happier. One thing I indeed need to cut out of my life are naps, suddenly I need a nap everyday, and I love them, don't get me wrong but they take time out of my day, so I'm going to try to do everything I have to and then go to bed early.
After that day of bed rest, I was hopping my week was over, but apparently I had a day with a whole lot of stuff to do, the fun thing is that as I can't be under that much pressure, everyone is taking it easy on me.
My week has consisted pretty much on planning, studying, eating, going to meetings and sleeping. I'm so looking forward to the weekend not just for the whole sleeping more than 4 hours but for the family dinner for the Super Bowl, plus is a long weekend for me, I'm hoping is a good one.

Here is my favourite blog from this week.

He has cold hands but a warm heart...

I remember that first time, I had other firsts times like this with other guys, but everything seemed different this time, maybe it was the place, there's something I love about heights, they always make me feel strong.
I remember being so nervous about all of this, seeing him, even writing about it makes me feel weird, nervous, like I'm living it all over again.
I changed two times, I made sure that everything was the way it was supposed to be, It's funny, while I was getting ready I was thinking about our first kiss and how everything felt new and exiting and I felt really shy about it.
It was his birthday, the perfect opportunity to clear my schedule and enjoy my afternoon with him. Everything was kind of new from this point to me, I'm not used to do that for anybody and I didn't did that for him, I did it because I needed it, I needed to get out of that routine.
As soon as I saw the tower I realised that's where I wanted us to go, I know he's affraid of heights, but after ice cream and hearing the reasons why he needed this, he said yes. A cold winter day and of course the first thing that gets ice cold is my hands and he noticed and that's why I remember this, although he had cold hands too, he started warming mine and hugged me, and that's when it hit me. I want him because he is more that I ever wanted, he is a friend and he is the one I love and choose everyday.

Cold Days...

Every winter I get really exited, I don't think is about the break, maybe is just about the way everything seems to go slower, I think it's because no one expects those super cold days, or maybe because no one really gets used to wear a lot of layers to keep the cold out, or the fact that everything is about how after Christmas no one worries that much, and the pressure just fades away.
I think that the beauty of the season is on the quietness, the weather and the views. Everything turns a little but more like a home with blankets and every place that you enter feels so warm and cosy.
Our outfit changes a lot from short sleeve shirts to long sleeves or sweaters, we change light cardigans to coats and scarves with gloves and hats, we finally change from sandals to boots and our outfits turn to be all about comfort and being warm inside and outside.
Although it can get really cold in my city, it doesn't snow. I love those cold days when you need to wear 3 layers of clothes with a scarf and gloves just to not freeze on the street. I love everything about it, I love the smell of coffee in the mornings, the vibe of the city.
Winter became one of my favourite seasons a long time ago for those reasons.

I know this might seem random but I really wanted to write about this.

Sad days... 

Those days where you feel like crap but you still have stuff to do, a life to run and some work to finish. You have two options, you can stay in bed the whole day and cry the pain out of you or you can step up and do something. I usually pick the first one but for many reasons end up doing the second one.
Usually when we are feeling sad everything seems to go slower, we are just not there, and lets be honest, we really don't want to be there, we just want to be in our bed, listening to sad music, crying and just forgetting that there's a world outside.
So here are some tips that help me survive those sad days:

• Take a shower: It'll help you relax and it's perfect for starting your day. I'm a believer that sometimes that helps you to feel like it's real.
• Put on your comfiest outfit: We don't need fashion, we need to be comfortable with ourselves, so yes, those sweatpants are perfect.
• Get ready: If you feel like putting on some make up do it, if not a couple of coats of mascara and you are out the door.
• Eat something: One the most important parts, eat something, some fruit will be good for you, going 12 hours with out food will be really bad an you'll feel exhausted.
• Do what you are feeling: Don't push yourself to uncomfortable situations, if you don't feel it, don't do it. Go with your feelings and feel free to run out if you can.
• If you don't want to talk about it, don't do it: If you don't want to talk about the situation, say no and move on, you don't need to explain anything if you are not ready.
• Finally and most importantly, cry if you need to: Don't hold the tears because everything will hurt more and you don't need that.

The first one...
Today on my way home from visiting one of my friends, the taxi driver told me something that was a relieve for me, "You are too young, you have more than enough time"
No one has ever told me that, everyone is always pushing me instead of helping me or making me feel proud. It hit me, I'm young, I'm 19 years old and I'm 3 semesters into my career, doing more than I need, putting myself through challenges, putting away plans "with my friends", making other people proud instead of me. Yes, I started doing things for me but It'll never be enough. I lost time trying to be as perfect as everyone would wanted me to be, I want to be proud of myself, I want to one day be that "dream woman" that every little girl wishes to be.
I have more than enough time, I don't have to figure my life out right this second, I have years to come, people to meet and most importantly things to accomplish...
That taxi driver made realised that I shouldn't be that stressed if things don't go as planned, we are too young for this.
P.S.: This doesn't mean that you can ditch all your life or that you fail everything. This means that we have enough time to do our stuff and figure how we want our lives to be and try different things if we don't like them or If it doesn't goes as planned...

We live in a society where in order to be happy with yourself, you need to make what everybody else thinks is "better for you". But the truth is that those things won't make you happy, If you love something, please go for it. You might find that some people wont support you, but the thing is that if you really love that, you'll do it just fine.
You need to fight and never stop doing it. Of course you can settle for the things everyone tells you to do, but that is what you really want? You can be the best one or you can be just like everyone else. All of this is up to you, but I believe that everyone is here to do something big, so don't take away from yourself. Be what you want to be, not what everyone tells you to be.

I have ghosts and I think everyone has one.

My biggest ghost? People that I left behind and I thought they'd come back, sometimes everything happened over a fight or even everything faded over time. The truth is that no matter how they disappear, they always find their way back in to my life (Sort of), sometimes is with an apology or some other time is about starting the fight all over again.
And no matter what they say when they come back the thing is that I always wonder, Why now? Why after 3 months you decide to "come back" and you can relate to this to a break up.
Whenever someone comes back is like you are re-living the moment, or you can't let your past go away.
I've done that but after experiencing it, I decided is not good for anybody, and I know that sometimes we need to fix the problem but there are better ways than just showing up or just sending a text, and don't push the limits of that other person, sometimes they are going through a bad time and if you bring back a path of their past you can just be a painful ghosts. Be gentle.
And if you are the one that's dealing with a ghost maybe you can listen the things they have to say to you and if they are looking to fight just turn around and leave, you don't need to hear that.
Every time you wonder "Why now?" think again if you need that person in your life.

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Well, I'm in a roller coaster...
This week was an emotional roller coaster, I had great days, I cried a lot, I slept a lot, I almost cried in an exam (I know it's sounds weird, but if you have anxiety and you are in a crowded place, waiting around, you may understand how I felt, I probably failed and everyone in there locked at me really weird, but I started shaking and my hands were super cold and my heart started racing, and my classroom was full of voices, it was horrible and I handed my test and ran outside the school straight to my home, straight to my bed to curl up for some hours until someone text me) It happened to me once before in class but it was not as big as this time, I don't know the reason but I think I'm feeling better.
On a better note I had a kind of productive week, I got to study a lot and get some work done, although sorry for the post that I published by mistake on the 20th instead of the 25 of January, I though everything was OK until I checked and it was up.
So sorry if this wasn't a cheery one but I really didn't had a great one. Maybe next one?

A hard one...

This was pretty much my week, tea (because I can't drink  coffee), work and homework.

The smell of new books...

As you all know I love reading and as a new years resolution, I'm trying to read the same or more books than last year.
So lets begin:

• "Delirium": "Delirium is a dystopian young adult novel written by Lauren Oliver, published in January 2011 by HarperCollins (HarperTeen), about a young girl, Lena Haloway, who falls in love in a society where love is seen as a disease" Where to begin, when I first started reading the book everything was going great, but when you get to the middle suddenly the story goes really slow and I kind of lost interest, the thing that I hated is that when I got to the ending everything changed and things happened really fast and I don't think that the ending was appropriate for the subject of the book. I just didn't enjoyed it.

• "If I stay": "If I Stay is a young adult novel by Gayle Forman published in 2009. The story follows 17-year-old Mia Hall as she deals with the aftermath of a catastrophic car accident involving her family. In a coma, Mia has an out-of-body experience, and watches as friends and family gather at the hospital where she is being treated. Mia watches as her memories flash before her eyes as she comes to realize that she must decide if she should wake up and lead a life far more difficult than she ever anticipated, or slip away and die. Her decision will determine her fate." This book is shorter than I though, I enjoyed the way it goes back and forward with her memories, it explains a lot of things but also makes you be closer with the character and although the ending was predictable, I really though that it was for the best. It's the kind of book that you'll love and it's perfect for coffee breaks. I truly recommend it.

One last destiny...
Another part of my family lives in Morelia so for our last stop before the year ended, we packed and visited one of our favourite cities, I love how everything seems to go slower. We only stayed there for a night so here are some of my favourite pictures.















The last three are by far my favourites just because there's something about watching the sunset while travelling that I loved. I promised to come back in 2015 by myself, just to enjoy everything about it. Hope you enjoyed having a look into my holiday.

Maybe is time to relax...
Every year my parents and I have a question to answer "Where are we going to go this year for Christmas?" this year we picked Acapulco, one of the reasons was that my grandma lives there and most of my aunts and uncles were going to visit her.

As you might have read in previous blogs, I struggled with people trying to tell me what to do or trying to make me unhappy, when I stopped listening and started thinking for myself, dreaming and being happy, I realised that something that annoys them is smiling and success. They are keeping you from shinning, they are afraid of the amazing things you can do. If you love something, go for it.
The way to show somebody that you are just doing fine is by letting them know how everything is going great, how you are happy and smiling again. Don't let anybody steal your shine.
When you do something with love, it'll show, you'll be good at it, you'll be happy and as my Dad told me: "The best way of keeping them shut is by letting them how everything is going fine, being happy with what you are doing and being the best you can at it"

I don't know what I want to write about, I have a day "free" to write everything that it's in my mind, but the thing is that I'm really frustrated, everything in the world is changing. Everything around me is changing, I'm changing. The one thing that hasn't changed is the fact that I'm afraid to put my heart out there, It took a lot of time for it to be healed and suddenly everyone wants me to put it out there, I just can't.
Another thing that has not changed is my love for books, I've been reading a lot as a relaxing thing. My music taste has been changing too, now I listen to Bach to relax, my love for Bon Jovi and rock has been coming back.
The way I eat has been changing, now I don't crave any junk food, maybe is temporary... I don't know.
The thing is that I've been feeling weird, the other day I had a panic attack and everything started feeling quite dry and vulnerable. I started drinking coffee again, maybe is because of that, my therapist says that I like to takes steps back and forward. Maybe is because I haven't been sleeping that well but I'm not sad, I'm feeling vulnerable. For the first time, I'll listen what she says and maybe I'l take a day free for real and stop drinking coffee. I'll take deep breaths and two steps back.
I know this is weird but I quite like writing this. It feels like talking to a friend that I haven't seen in a long time. I might do this more often.

Another week, another coffee shop...

This week has been another crazy but good one, besides me suffering from SPM, having homework and work everything has gone really smoothly.
The week started quite relaxing having lunch with one of my old friends and shopping in sales with I have to be honest, I hate doing that. moving on from that, I had the first photo shot of my new project and it's stunning, I love working with one my friends and that made everything easier and funnier. After that I took the rest of the week to focus on school and family, that gave me sometime to rest from the world and really chill out.
I'll leave you with my favourite blog from this week!
I hope you'll had an amazing week!

What a week I had, a bunch of work, a lot of walking and tons of homework! Glad it is over! I'm going to take next week as a chilled one and focus on all of the stuff I need to get done!

I like to think that sometimes life gives you only the things you can handle but lets be honest, sometimes you find yourself running around, trying to remember all the stuff you have to do by the end of the day, drinking a lot of coffee and searching in your agenda for some free time.
This days have been exactly that for me, I've been super busy with school and work and my family. My days usually go with me waking up at 6:30, pooping in the shower, getting dress, making my bed, putting up some mascara to not look sleepy and putting all of my stuff plus an apple in my backpack t head out the door to get to the bus to get to school and luckily not be too late for class. If I have stuff to do after school I'll usually stop for something to eat before that and all of this ends up with me getting home, putting up some pyjamas and starting to do some homework or work. Finally I'll have dinner with my parents and just relax before I fall sleep.
Some thinks this might be a routine but believe me, my schedule changes a lot and that usually means that besides my classes, my activities change every single day and that makes my days harder than others.
Although I enjoy it, some free days are just the best for me, sometimes taking a step back and breathing is the best.

Being a student is not an easy job...

Being a student in college, having a proper job and finding some free time can be a little bit stressful...
After trying to do it and failing at it, I found some tips that'll help me this year:

• Do things on advantage: Don't do everything at the last minute, you'll just give yourself more work and more things to do on the same day. 
• Plan a schedule: If you have time to do certain things you won't be running and jumping around two different subjects at the same time.
• Be more organised: if you can find it, you won't lose time searching for that file.
• Plan some breaks: After working 5 hours on that paper you need to take a break and rest for the rest.
• Go out: Fresh air is good for you!
• Don't panic: take a deep breath and focus on what you are doing instead of screaming at your computer.
• Hang out: go out with your friends, it'll help you to distress.
• Find a hobby: Something you can do on your free time to relax.

Remember that if you feel like sometimes It's too much, you can take a step back. You are human, you are not perfect and you need to rest more than 5 hours a day.
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"I like going out, talking to new people and just have fun" I always repeat that before going out.
"What am I going to wear? Jeans? A skirt? This sweater? Or maybe this shirt? What if everyone is late and I have to wait by myself? What if no one likes me? If she takes her boyfriend I'm going to be a third wheel.  Do I have enough money? My bag doesn't match my outfit! Maybe I should get a rain check and stay at home."
After months of not going out, all of that started getting in my brain and I turned to be a really insecure person, when in fact I was the same person with the same clothes and everyone was more that OK with me and after getting so many rain checks, I just needed to go out. I know how is to not feel comfortable in your own skin but be aware that if you want to change that, you are the one that needs to take baby steps to change that.
Sometimes, when we are not feeling ourselves, it is easy to just say no and stay home, but the truth is that with those actions, you are not just hurting yourself, but you are hurting those people around you that really want to talk to you, and be with their friend that has been at home for so long that you'll be smaller than they thought.
If you are going through a bad time, please make an effort and instead of eating 3 bowls of ice cream, go out to see a movie with your best friend and do what ever you want as long as you are comfortable.
You'll be surprised about how much going out can change your humour, don't hide inside a box, and don't worry that much! Be free!

I'm a day dreamer, I do it more that I can accept. When I was a little girl I used to live in a dream and as I started to grow up those dreams started being more an more about my future and the way I want to live. It is worth saying that as you read in here, I lost myself, I also lost my dreams and the way I was dreaming. I thought I was to little to accomplish anything.
But the truth is that you are never to small to dream or to be successful, you can do whatever you want, you need to dream big, if you want to be big. We need to start believing in ourselves and the things we are capable of doing. Don't let anybody take that away from you!
Have a nice start of the week, keep the hopes high and never forget to be yourself!

Sometimes everything is too much...

For my parents I have to be the best person and the best one possible.
I'm a really active person that tends to have at least to activities a day and I'm not going to lie although it is exhausting, I like it, but there are sometimes when I just feel like everything is too much. When I feel frustrated, I tend to cry and there was a time when I started crying because I was taking more than I was able to handle, I started overloading my agenda, having no free time, feeling super tired by the middle of the day, paying less attention to everything.
Then I made a huge mistake and I realised, Why am I taking myself so seriously?, I know life can be too much sometimes but come on I'm 19 and although I enjoy doing what I do, I also enjoy having my free time where I can be free and take a nap or read or dance.
My biggest advice if you are having the same problem is:

• Take a step back.
• Breathe.
• See if you still like what you are doing.
• Take some stuff out.
• Take breaks.

Finally...
This week has been super tiring as I went to back to school, I'm having quite a struggle getting back into my routine of doing homework, studying, staying up late and avoiding naps. Also I don't know why but this particular week has been full of thing to do and less time and let me tell you I'm exhausted, last time I was falling sleep while doing my homework. I think, I might have a free week two weeks from now and I'm seriously looking forward to that. Also the weather has been really cold and although I love cold weather I think it is too much! I've been freezing in every class.
On a happier note I really enjoyed
Finally I hop you enjoyed reading Who am I? because I wrote it to share how although some things can seem to go wrong but believe me they are going to change and everything will go better sometime soon.
I hope you all have a great week and smiled.

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! As I told you this week, I don't usually have exciting weeks and this is the perfect example, I had work to do, homework, work, a new project, planning to do, homework!
This image describes perfectly my thoughts of the week.

Everything needs to change...

Every once in a while I like to change a few things around in my life. Although some months ago I was against change, now I feel like I really need some huge changes to put my plans and life back together.
I'm starting with working on my patience and letting life go by without me worrying about everything.
Also for the blog I'm adding and taking away some stuff. First I'm adding some What I did vs What I expected kind of posts, I'm going to try to do them every month and keep them as a diary of how much I've done through the year. I'm also doing a Week Review on Saturdays and on Fridays instead of having My week in pictures, is going to be My week in ONE picture because my life is not always as exciting.
I have high hopes for January!

Finding yourself...

This is a post I've been wanting to write from a long time now and with the new year, the time cannot be more perfect.
When we start growing up we tend to ask ourselves that question a lot and I have the firm opinion that we need to find ourselves before we take any other decision that can make our lives change.
I remember being in the last year of high school really excited because I chose a career that I loved and everything was going according to plan, or so I thought. As the year kept moving, I started struggling with my family, my grades and some of my friends that started being super unsupportive about my decision, so everything started turning around and I forgot about me and the things I enjoyed doing. I lost my essence trying to please everyone else in order to avoid a discussion. I was not comfortable in my own skin, I was feeling crappy and insecure about everything I did, I stayed at home, I didn't knew who I was any more.
Fast forward to me getting into the college I wanted. I was so insecure about myself that I would not be around anybody else, I was super shy and I wasn't enjoying any of my experience in my first semester of college. I ended that semester barely taking to anyone and my grades dropped. My next semester was more of the same except the fact that I started feeling more confident about what I was doing. Because I love my career and I'm actually good at the things I do.
One day I started thinking what I was doing with my life, I felt really bad and started walking around the city with no particular destination. I realised that I can live my life the way everybody wanted.
And I made maybe one of the biggest decisions in my life: Be myself.
Believe me when I say that in order to be myself I had to start speaking up, find my passions, stop talking to those friends that kept me from doing what I love. I had to stand up for my believing.
Hello: My name is Mayte, I love sarcasm, I love shopping, I don't have ton of pacience, I love reading, walking and writing, I love travelling, my favourite colour is blue, I watch sports, I love sushi and pizza and I love having this life and watching how it goes by. That's who I am.

Oh sweet January...

After October you are my favourite month, the weather gets colder, everyone is feeling motivated by the new year, the sales have started and most importantly everything fells quiet after the craziness that Christmas meant.
I want to start making this "What I planned vs What I did every month" 'cause it is really something I can look back too and see how much sh*t I got done or how lacy I was.
I have high hopes this month,
I'm starting a new project and I think that it'll be ready for March, a lot of work and I'm exited because I get to do it with one of my dearest high school friends. I'm also coming back to college after the huge break that I had, I miss it, I miss having stuff to do, friends and going out occasionally with them (Don't get me wrong, I'm not a party girl and I know I can see them even when we are on the break but It is easier to organise that when we are all under the same roof). I'm also hopping that I don't suffer that much trying to get into an schedule.
Finally I'm going to start to exercise... again and not because I think I need it, It's going to be more of relaxation purposes, last year I did it for 6 months and made me feel really good about myself and it helped me relax so is a win-win situation for me.
I'm starting with high hopes.

This year I have a goal, I'm going to do whatever it takes to be me and start living my life the way I want it. Through the past year I decided that It was time to set the bar high, put everything in front of my and live the way I always dreamed.
I'm in a stage in my life where I love everything I do. I love my career and my school, I love my classes and I've found pretty good friends in and outside of school and although I lost some of my friends, I also won some amazing new friends, I also started being more ambitious. I made the decision of start living my life and not let anyone else tell me what I need to do.
I have some amazing projects and dreams. I want to live on the edge and do what I want, whenever I want, taking responsibilities and putting all my effort to accomplish all my goals and the best part is that I have a place where I can share my success or my bad moments.
I feel so happy with the way my life is right now and I'm going to keep my hopes high and make the best of this year.
We need to start enjoying those little moments in life and live the way we want to live.
Never forget to be yourself!

New Year, New Beginning...